You know the saying, "I want it so bad I can taste it?" Yeah, well, not so much with me. I mean, yes, ever since I could read, I knew I wanted to be a published author. But no one ever told me that the closer one came to having one's dream fulfilled, the more upset one's stomach gets. The feeling is a bit like sitting in a roller coaster car that's climbing to the top of the track. It's a curious place to be because you know the top isn't all there is, there's a descent coming, the reason for the ride. It's why you got on, after all, to feel the thrill of the fall. It's the precipice, a "no turning back" moment.
I got a taste of the ride on Tuesday when I received a reply to my email query the week before. I was invited to send my manuscript to the editor. I realized then as I hit the reply button that I was about to plummet to the bottom. I suddenly freaked out screaming in my head. What if she thinks it sucks? What if my friends and family are the only ones who think I write well? What if? Thank God screams end, because it was after screaming that I took a breath and realized it was going to be okay. The ride may end, but I'll get in line for another go at it.